Yesterday was weird. I'm grateful for the experience, I think it'll come in useful, but it was pretty peculiar.
I was fine when I woke-- not great, but nothing's been really bad the last few weeks. Sunday can be a bit iffy as I do some of my least-favorite chores. But things seemed normal.
I'm eating breakfast, and all of a sudden I realize that the (metaphorically speaking) barometric pressure in my head just plummeted. Bang.
I don’t remember how old I was when I realized that my life was one long, unsuccessful construction project.
The Blueprint for Perfection is based on a boatload of faulty assumptions, the most toxic one being that “perfection” is a good thing.
Perfection is, quite literally, a dead end.
Because it’s always there.
Something Awful is always about to happen.
How awful it will be, is in proportion to two things:
1) How bad I am; and
2) How much pleasure I’m experiencing.
The irrationality of this belief is easy to concede. I have cognitive scripts targeted at this belief. I know some of where it came from, which helped make good cognitive scripts to fight it, but knowing where it came from, in and of itself, isn’t helpful.
Can’t ever seem to get rid of the bitch.
Perfect Me™ is omniscient; she knows everything, past, present, and future. Can’t take that risk, Perfect Me™ (PM) knows it’ll fail.
Something fucked up? Hey, PM had her doubts, knew it was a bad idea, but I just had to go ahead and try. If I’d only listen to PM, I’d never fail at anything.
In lifelong recovery from a chronic brain disease,Terry lives in the U.S. Southwest, and actively pursues several hobbies, including confounding assumptions, extreme semantics, and damage control.
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*"Teritas et factum convertunter"-- roughly translated, "One can know Terry only by interpretation." (More literally, "Terry and reality are interchangeable.")